The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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