You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i think my cat just said my name.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
