You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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