I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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