a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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