the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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