she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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