oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
