I just cut my nipple shaving
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
