My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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