that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
