If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
