I am midnight drunk by noon
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We had sex on a dog bed..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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