Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
