Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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