She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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