to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
