Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
