I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
