Banned from zoo.
Again?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
