I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
