someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
