I wish my penis had an off switch
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
