Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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