community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
