I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
