Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
