Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
