god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
