The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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