my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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