to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
