Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
