i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The air was thick with penises
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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