I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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