why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize