I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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