Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
