Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
