so let's talk penis.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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