What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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