You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
