And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
