We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
