The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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