I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
