My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
