ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
