No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
