There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want nice things and good sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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