i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
