I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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