we have pet lesbian snakes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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